In Thearapy with Celine refers to our evening’s patient/performer, Christina Cataldo, using the songs of Celine Dion to explain her life’s dilemma’s to her therapist, who was not there corporeally to witness this piece.

I don’t know if a full evening of Dion’s songs could work in ANY context, but this was a road best not taken.  The problem was not from Miss Cataldo’s actual singing voice, which happens to be potentially excellent, but from the "book" and direction of Evan Storey and the thunderously over the top musical arrangements of pianist, Jeff Cubeta.

It is impossible to know if these episodes are true or fictional, but it does not really matter.  The “plot" falls into the Twilight Zone of the recurrent Girl meets Boy, Boy is Gay, Girl meets Haagen-Dazs, mode.  Is it wrong to tell it once again?  As they say, there are only so many plots in theater, but after this round, I would be grateful not be put through it unless it is in the hands of a humane and talented writer.

Rather than approaching any of this with a light touch, Storey’s book incorporates about twelve power ballads for Christina—each one louder then the next, all reaching pounding climaxes that threatened to destroy the singer’s voice as well as my ear drums. The spoken word vignettes take long too reach the obvious punch lines.  She is directed to wave her hands and bound across the stage in an extremely jarring manner.  Our protagonist is literally rolling on the floor with a giant submarine hero (and I do not mean a sailor); one of many embarrassing spectacles we are invited to endure.

If this were just a family and friends show, with the ambition of staying such, maybe it could get a pass, but the company states that they have a mission to move on and bring it to the whole wide world so I would like to read Christina the riot act.

I advise Miss Cataldo to rid herself of these people who are laughing at her, not with her.  Her voice possesses a full range and good belt with flexibility and sweetness on top, but literally screaming her way through an hour’s time can end cause terrific vocal problems that can be avoided is she stops this abuse now.  She is talented and brave, but this type of degrading material is not the way to show it.  Perhaps her therapy would be in learning how to showcase herself in a way that could amuse, touch and perhaps inspire all of us, many who have faced the same obstacles ourselves.

Melody Breyer-Grell
Cabaret Scenes
May 8, 2009
www.cabaretscenes.org